How does it feel like to have dreams?

I didn’t grow up imagining a life full of academic degrees or international opportunities. For a long time, I thought just getting by was enough. If you’ve ever felt like your dreams were too far away, I hope my story gives you a little hope. I’ve been through moments where even surviving felt like a win. But life had other plans, and this is how I learned to dream again.

Part 1: Early Childhood (Kindergarten and Primary School)

I grew up in an upper-middle-income family, and my early childhood felt safe. We had a home and everything we needed. I thought life would always be that way. Then everything changed.

Just after I finished kindergarten, my mother was scammed by her colleagues. We lost our rice fields, our house, and almost everything we owned. With no other option, she went abroad to work as a TKW (Indonesian migrant worker). I was in the second grade of primary school when she left, and my grandparents raised me.

Living with my grandparents brought a new set of challenges. My grandfather worked construction and did everything he could to keep us afloat. He pedaled his bicycle from Bondowoso to Situbondo every day just to earn enough for the family. My grandmother held the household together and looked after me. Their support was the backbone that kept me standing during those years.

To help keep us afloat, I collected coconut leaves, made them into brooms, and sold them. I helped my grandmother sell kerupuk whenever we had the chance. I even taught myself to forge knives and sold those too, adding whatever I could to the household income. At one point I roamed around with magnets to collect iron scraps. I would do anything that I could to survive.

When my grandfather died while I was in fifth grade, life became even harder. Money was tight, and I almost had to leave school. At that time, dreaming about a better future felt impossible.

Part 2: Middle School (SMP)

By middle school, I was used to finding ways to make things work. My mother’s situation had improved, but her previous employer kept her passport and work permit. She also lost money to people who promised to fix her immigration problems but never did. At home, my grandmother and I still received monthly letters from the bank about our debts.

My grandmother gathered rice left in nearby fields after the harvest, and I went with her. We mixed it with government-issued Bulog or Raskin rice. It was often dry and had a strange smell, but it was what we had. We also collected fern shoots, taro leaves, water spinach, mushrooms, fish, and snails from the river.

I started to see education as a way to change my life. But my dreams were still small. I only wanted to finish school, find a stable job, and make my mother proud. Even becoming a cashier at a minimarket felt like more than enough.

There were times when things got really tough. Our family was struggling so much that we had to sell almost everything we owned, our fan, our TV, until the only thing I had left was my bicycle, which I used to get to school. In those moments, I tried reaching out to my dad, hoping maybe he could help, or at least respond. But I never heard back from him.

Part 3: High School (SMA)

In 2015, my grandmother had a stroke. I became her main caregiver, changing her clothes, serving her meals, and keeping the house clean while continuing school. None of it felt optional. She had cared for me throughout my childhood, and now it was my turn to care for her. My uncle helped when I needed time to study, and somehow I still managed to do well in class.

After high school, I applied to several universities and programs. I was rejected again and again. Every rejection made me wonder if university was really meant for someone like me. Then, at a campus expo in Bondowoso, I joined an entrance-exam tryout and placed in the top ten. I received a scholarship for an intensive preparation course at Primagama Bondowoso. One month later, I was accepted into Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember (ITS).

Part 4: University and Beyond

I could not have started university without help. My aunt supported my living costs and tuition, and the ITS finance office gave me the lowest tuition rate of 500,000 IDR. In 2019, I also received the Bidikmisi On-Going Scholarship. For the first time, I could focus on studying without constantly worrying about money.

During my first two years at university, things weren’t always easy behind the scenes. There was a time when I only had 12,000 IDR (0.62 EUR) left, and I had no idea how long it had to last me. I ended up buying a pack of Roma Kelapa biscuits for 9,000 IDR, and that’s what I ate for the next three days.

I never shared this story with my friends. It wasn’t because I was ashamed, but because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just kept walking, believing that someday things would get better.

In 2020, I received a fully funded scholarship to study at Chulalongkorn University in Thailand. Studying abroad had always felt impossible, but suddenly I was doing it. After returning home, I joined competitions and took side jobs in tutoring, photography, and design while continuing my studies and helping my family pay its debts.

In 2022, I started a full-time remote job and received an Erasmus+ scholarship to study in Poland. Both gave me new experiences and more financial stability.

I later received a fast-track scholarship and completed my master’s degree as the best graduate in my cohort. Looking back at my childhood in Bondowoso, I still find it difficult to believe how far that path has taken me.

A few months later, I applied to PhD programs at ETH Zurich, the University of Zurich, and the University of Vienna, and I was grateful to receive offers from all three. Today, I am pursuing a PhD at the University of Vienna.

I know I did not get here alone. My family, teachers, friends, scholarships, and a lot of luck helped me along the way. Their support is one reason I now try to help other students find their own paths.

I now mentor students for free, especially those from backgrounds similar to mine. I help them navigate university life, scholarships, and academic opportunities. Seeing them find their own paths brings me joy and reminds me how much the right support can matter.

Sometimes people look at my life now and think everything happened easily. They do not see the rejections, the financial problems, or the people who helped me keep going. I am not sharing this story because I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am sharing it because someone with a distant dream might need to know that life can change.

‘Mimpi itu selayaknya sayap, ia yang akan membawamu terbang kemana pun’

‘Dreams are like wings, they’re what will carry you wherever you want to go’

Terima kasih :))