How does it feel like to have dreams?

I didn’t grow up imagining a life full of academic degrees or international opportunities. For a long time, I thought just getting by was enough. If you’ve ever felt like your dreams were too far away, I hope my story gives you a little hope. I’ve been through moments where even surviving felt like a win. But life had other plans, and this is how I learned to dream again.

Part 1: Early Childhood (Kindergarden and Primary School)

I was born and raised in an urban area, and during the early years of my life, I experienced the comfort and stability of a middle upper income family. We had a secure home, access to everything we needed, and a lifestyle that left little to worry about. My childhood was filled with joy, safety, and a sense that life would always be this way. But then, a series of unexpected events changed everything, turning my world upside down.

Just as I graduated from kindergarten, my mother was scammed by her colleagues. In a blink, we lost everything, our rice fields, our house, and all our belongings. The sudden shift from a life of comfort to one of struggle was unreal to me. With no other options, my mother made the difficult decision to work abroad as a TKW (Indonesian migrant worker) to support us. I was in the second grade of primary school when she left, and my grandparents took on the responsibility of raising me.

Living with my grandparents brought a new set of challenges. My grandfather worked construction and did everything he could to keep us afloat. He pedaled his bicycle from Bondowoso to Situbondo every day just to earn enough for the family. My grandmother held the household together and looked after me. Their support was the backbone that kept me standing during those years.

To help keep us afloat, I collected coconut leaves, made them into brooms, and sold them. I helped my grandmother sell kerupuk whenever we had the chance. I even taught myself to forge knives and sold those too, adding whatever I could to the household income. At one point I roamed around with magnets to collect iron scraps. I would do anything that I could to survive.

However, life took another tragic turn when my grandfather passed away while I was in the fifth grade. His death was a significant blow, and it left my grandmother and me struggling even more. As I approached middle school, the financial strain became overwhelming. The cost of education seemed unreasonably high, and I nearly had to drop out. The thought of not being able to continue my education was terrifying. I knew that without schooling, my chances of improving our situation were limited. It was a period filled with uncertainty and fear, but it’s weird that I always find a way. But, dreaming about a better future felt like a distant fantasy for me.

Part 2: Middle School (SMP)

By then I was familiar with the routines of rural life. Transportation was unreliable, money was tight, and finding ways to make things work became part of the day. None of it surprised me anymore. My mother’s situation had improved compared to the past, though it was still far from secure. Her previous employer kept her passport and work permit, which left her without proper documents and always at risk of getting in trouble. She also lost money to people who claimed they could solve her immigration issues but never did. At home, my grandmother and I still received monthly letters from the bank about our debts. It was a constant reminder that we weren’t out of difficulty yet.

Around this time, my grandmother started gathering leftover rice from nearby fields once the harvest was over. I went with her, picking up whatever grains were left behind. We mixed that rice with the government-issued Bulog or Raskin rice. It wasn’t good rice, often dry and with a strange smell, but it was what we had. To add something different to our meals, we looked to the river. We collected fern shoots, taro leaves, water spinach, and mushrooms. I sometimes managed to catch fish or snails.

I started to see education not just as a routine but as a potential escape from the life I knew. My dreams were still modest. I wanted to pass my exams, make my mother proud, and perhaps someday secure a stable job. The idea of higher education or a professional career seemed distant and almost unattainable. Most of my peers shared similar perspective, we were focused on surviving the present rather than dreaming about the future.

Even though I had hopes, deep down I was still afraid to dream big. I thought that just graduating and getting a job as a cashier at a minimarket would already be more than enough for me. Honestly, it felt like I didn’t have any other choice.

There were times when things got really tough. Our family was struggling so much that we had to sell almost everything we owned, our fan, our TV, until the only thing I had left was my bicycle, which I used to get to school. In those moments, I tried reaching out to my dad, hoping maybe he could help, or at least respond. But I never heard back from him.

Part 3: High School (SMA)

While I continued to navigate the academic life, my personal life took a significant turn when my grandmother suffered a stroke in 2015. As my grandmother’s primary caregiver, I took on responsibilities that were beyond my years. I had to change her clothes, serve her meals, and ensure the house was clean and comfortable for her. These tasks added to the already heavy burden of schoolwork and household responsibilities. None of it felt optional. She had carried me through my childhood, and now it was my turn to care for her.

During this challenging time, I was fortunate to receive help from my uncle. His support was invaluable, especially when I needed to focus on my studies. His assistance allowed me to balance caregiving duties with school commitments.

While taking care of my family took up most of my time outside school, I still managed to do well in class. For me, education wasn’t just about grades, it was the only way I could see a better future for me and also for my whole family.

When I reached 12th grade, I had the chance to apply for SNMPTN 2017. I chose Civil Engineering at Universitas Jember (UNEJ) as my first choice, and Mechanical Engineering as my second. Based on my grades and knowing some alumni from my school who had been accepted into those programs, I felt pretty confident.

But a few months later, reality hit hard, I didn’t make it. Failing SNMPTN was heartbreaking. Still, I told myself it wasn’t over yet. I held on to hope and prepared for SBMPTN 2017. Unfortunately, that didn’t go my way either. I didn’t pass. To make things worse, I also failed the final stage of the STIN (National Intelligence College) test. It was a tough time. I felt lost, especially seeing so many of my friends getting into top universities and institutions. The pressure around me was heavy, and the expectations from others felt even heavier.

All those failures left me feeling broken. I started looking for any possible alternative, applying to every program I could, including entrance tests at POLINEMA (Politeknik Negeri Malang). But no matter how hard I tried, every door seemed to close on me.

Eventually, I gave Mandiri UM (Universitas Negeri Malang) a shot, even though I knew the tuition and fees would be a heavy burden for me. I didn’t feel confident, but I applied anyway. And once again, I didn’t make it. By then, 2017 felt like a never-ending string of rejections.

A few months later, something unexpected happened. There was a campus expo in Bondowoso, organized in collaboration with Primagama, and they held an SBMPTN tryout. I joined, mostly just to see where I stood after months of not studying. To my surprise, I placed in the top 10 and as a result, I was awarded a scholarship for an intensive SBMPTN prep course at Primagama Bondowoso. That moment felt like a real turning point.

We only had one month to prepare, and the pressure was high. We were pushed to aim for Indonesia’s top universities and competitive programs like medicine. I listed ITB as my first choice, followed by ITS and IPB. Then, in 2018, the announcement came, and it changed everything. I had been accepted into ITS (Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember).

Part 4: University and Beyond

Getting into ITS (Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember) was a life changing moment that completely reshaped how I saw my future. Around this time, my aunt who is my dad’s sister stepped in and became like a second parent to me. She took full responsibility for my needs, supporting me with my living expenses, tuition, and more. Her help meant everything.

I also got support from the ITS finance office. After explaining my situation to one of the staff at the Biro Keuangan, I was granted the lowest possible tuition fee, just 500,000 IDR. It was such a relief to know that I didn’t have to worry too much about how to pay for higher education.

I did try applying for the Bidikmisi Scholarship, but unfortunately, I wasn’t registered as a Kartu Indonesia Pintar (KIP) holder in my village, so I didn’t qualify :). Still, I was grateful for every bit of help I received that allowed me to keep going.

Varsity life at ITS was a world apart from my rural upbringing. Suddenly, I was surrounded by resources, opportunities, and a community of passionate, driven people, things I had never experienced before. It felt like a whole new world, one that opened my eyes to dreams I used to think were out of reach.

At ITS, I allowed myself to focus fully on my studies. I grabbed every chance to grow both academically and personally. The supportive environment and encouragement from my professors pushed me to aim higher. Then in 2019, something incredible happened. I was called in by the Biro Keuangan, and they offered me the Bidikmisi On-Going Scholarship. For the first time, I genuinely started to believe that anything was possible.

During my first two year at university, things weren’t always easy behind the scenes. There was a time when I only had 12,000 IDR (0.62 EUR) left, and I had no idea how long it had to last me. I ended up buying a pack of Roma Kelapa biscuits for 9,000 IDR, and that’s what I ate for the next three days.

I never shared this story with my friends. It wasn’t because I was ashamed, but because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just kept walking, believing that someday things would get better.

One of the most life changing moments came in 2020, when I was accepted into a fully funded exchange program at Chulalongkorn University in Thailand. Studying abroad had always felt like an impossible dream, yet there I was, living it. That experience opened my mind even more, exposing me to new cultures, ideas, and ways of learning. It reminded me that with determination and the right support, even the wildest dreams can come true.

Back home, I kept pushing myself. I joined scientific writing and business competitions, and winning some of them not only boosted my confidence but also helped me financially. One of my friends at ITS showed me how to earn money through side jobs, and that advice became a turning point. I started doing private tutoring, photography, and design projects, anything I could manage while keeping up with my studies. It wasn’t easy, but every bit helped, especially as I worked to help pay off my family’s debts.

In 2022, things took another positive turn. I was offered a full-time remote job with a company based in Jakarta. It gave me financial stability and professional experience while I was still continuing my studies. Around the same time, I received an Erasmus+ scholarship to study in Poland, which took my academic and cultural journey to a whole new level.

The opportunities kept coming. I had already been awarded a fast-track scholarship that allowed me to accelerate my studies, and with all the support and experiences I had gathered, I eventually graduated with a master’s degree, earning the title of best graduate in my cohort. Sometimes I pause and try to trace the path back to where it started. It still surprises me. Who would’ve imagined that an extremely poor kid from a tiny, forgotten corner of Bondowoso, who once struggled just to stay in school, would end up here?

A few months later, I applied for PhD programs at many prestigious universities abroad, including ETH Zurich, University of Zurich, and University of Vienna. Finally, I received the news I got an LoA (Letter of Acceptance) from all three universities for my PhD studies.

My time at ITS taught me that dreams are not limited by one’s background or circumstances. They are shaped by luck, determination, hard work, and the willingness to seize every opportunity. Higher education was the catalyst that transformed my life, opening doors I never knew existed and allowing me to achieve goals that once seemed impossible. Education was the key that unlocked this potential, and my experiences at ITS were the foundation upon which I built my dreams.

The support and mentorship I received from ITS and peers were invaluable. They encouraged me to push the boundaries of my potential and provided the best environment where I could thrive academically and personally.

I am forever indebted to ITS for shaping my path and providing me with the tools to navigate the complexities of life and academia. I will pay it forward. In gratitude for all that I have learned and achieved, I now strive to give back to the community. I occasionally hold sharing sessions and offer free online webinars on topics such as building websites without coding skills and scientific writing. Through these sessions, I aim to inspire and equip others with the knowledge and confidence to pursue their dreams.

Beyond that, I also mentor students for free, especially those from backgrounds similar to mine, to help them navigate university life, scholarships, and academic pathways. Some of my mentees have gone on to win some competitions, be accepted at universities like Kumamoto University, University of Malaya, LMU Munich, ETH Zurich, Oxford, and many other campuses around the world. It brings me joy to see them succeed, and it reminds me that our stories can light the way for others. I just want the younger generation to keep believing in their dreams, no matter how tough things get. I've seen how far education and persistence can take someone. I hope my story can help others believe that they can make it too.

People sometimes assume I come from a comfortable place, that things simply worked out, and that I’ve been riding a path someone else paved. I still hear “enak ya jadi kamu” as if everything I have now was effortless. That’s not how it happened. I’m not telling this to earn sympathy. I share it because the assumptions don’t match the work it took to get here.

‘Mimpi itu selayaknya sayap, ia yang akan membawamu terbang kemana pun’

‘Dreams are like wings, they’re what will carry you wherever you want to go’

Terima kasih :))