How does it feel like to have dreams?

Part 1: Early Childhood (Kindergarten and Primary School)

I was born and raised in an urban area, and for the early years of my life, I enjoyed the comforts of a middle-upper-income family. We had a stable home, ample resources, and all the facilities one could need. My early childhood was filled with joy and security, and I had no reason to worry about the future. Life seemed perfect until a series of events turned everything upside down.

Just as I graduated from kindergarten, my mother was scammed by her colleagues. In a blink, we lost everything, our rice fields, our house, and all our belongings. The sudden shift from a life of comfort to one of struggle was unreal to me. With no other options, my mother made the difficult decision to work abroad as a TKW (Indonesian migrant worker) to support us. I was in the second grade of primary school when she left, and my grandparents took on the responsibility of raising me.

Living with my grandparents brought a new set of challenges. My grandfather, a construction worker, was a strong and wise man who tried to provide as best as he could. He would paddle his bicycle from Bondowoso to Situbondo every day to support us. My grandmother managed the household and took care of me. Their support was my pillar of strength during this hard time.

To help support my family, I started to collect coconut leaves, which I turned into brooms and sold. I also helped my grandmother sell kerupuk. Additionally, I taught myself how to forge knives, which I also sold to contribute to our household income. I also used to collect iron scrap using magnets. I would do anything that I could to survive.

However, life took another tragic turn when my grandfather passed away while I was in the fifth grade. His death was a significant blow, and it left my grandmother and me struggling even more. As I approached middle school, the financial strain became overwhelming. The cost of education seemed unreasonably high, and I nearly had to drop out. The thought of not being able to continue my education was terrifying. I knew that without schooling, my chances of improving our situation were limited. It was a period filled with uncertainty and fear, but it’s weird that I always find a way. But, dreaming about a better future felt like a distant fantasy for me.

Part 2: Middle School (SMP)

Entering middle school was a pivotal moment in my life. By this time, I had become accustomed to the daily struggles of rural living. The long waits for inadequate transportation and the constant push to make ends meet were no longer surprising as they were just part of life. However, middle school brought new challenges and a quite shift in my perspective.

Despite the hardships, my mother’s situation had improved somewhat. However, she remained in a vulnerable position. Her passport and permit had been taken by her previous boss, leaving her in an illegal status and vulnerable to deportation. Adding to our troubles, she was scammed by immigration officials who took her money. Each month, my grandmother and I received letters from the bank demanding payment for our debts. The pressure was continuous.

During this time, my grandmother decided to collect the remaining rice from the rice fields nearby after the harvest. I often accompanied her, gathering the leftover grains. This rice, mixed with the poor-quality Bulog or Raskin rice provided by the government, was what we ate daily. The rice was dry and sometimes smelled bad, but it was all we had. We often forage food from nearby river to add more variations to what we eat.

At school, the curriculum was more demanding, and the expectations from teachers were higher. Despite the difficulties, my mother continued to emphasize the importance of education. I started to see education not just as a routine but as a potential escape from the life I knew.

My dreams were still modest. I wanted to pass my exams, make my mother proud, and perhaps someday secure a stable job. The idea of higher education or a professional career seemed distant and almost unattainable. Most of my peers shared similar perspective, we were focused on surviving the present rather than dreaming about the future.

My family’s financial situation didn’t improve much during these years, but I began to see education as a possible way out. I realized that while my environment was harsh, my mind could have possibilities beyond my surroundings.

However, despite these hopes, I remained afraid of dreaming too big. I believed that graduating and becoming a cashier in a minimarket would be more than enough for me. Fo real, it was like I have no other choice left. There were times when our financial struggles reached their peak. We sold everything we owned, including our fan and TV, and were left with only my bicycle, which I used to go to school. I tried to contact my dad during those desperate moments, hoping for support, but I never received any response.

Part 3: High School (SMA)

While I continued to navigate the academic life, my personal life took a significant turn when my grandmother suffered a stroke in 2015. This event marked a pivotal moment during my high school years.

As my grandmother’s primary caregiver, I took on responsibilities that were beyond my years. I had to change her clothes, serve her meals, and ensure the house was clean and comfortable for her. These tasks added to the already heavy burden of schoolwork and household responsibilities. Despite the challenges, I was determined to provide the best care possible for my grandmother, who had been my rock throughout my childhood.

During this challenging time, I was fortunate to receive help from my uncle. His support was invaluable, especially when I needed to focus on my studies. His assistance allowed me to balance caregiving duties with school commitments.

While caregiving consumed much of my time outside of school, inside the classroom, I continued to excel academically. My teachers recognized my dedication and perseverance, which fueled my determination to succeed despite the odds stacked against me. Education remained my only hope, offering a pathway to a better future not just for myself but also for my family.

When I entered the 12th grade of high school, I had the opportunity to apply for SNMPTN 2017. I chose Civil Engineering at UNEJ (Universitas Jember) as my first choice, and Mechanical Engineering as my second choice. I was confident in my chances, considering my grades and knowing several alumni from my high school who had been accepted into those programs. However, a few months later, I faced the bitter reality of failing SNMPTN 2017. It was a heartbreaking moment, but I still had a chance with SBMPTN 2017.

I remained hopeful but was met with disappointment once again when I did not succeed in SBMPTN 2017. Adding to my challenges, I also failed the final stage of the STIN (Sekolah Tinggi Intelijen Negara) test. During this phase, I felt lost and overwhelmed as many of my peers were getting accepted into prestigious universities and institutions. The pressure from those around me, who had high expectations, was realy high.

These failures left me feeling shattered. I searched for every alternative, applying to all schemes including tests at POLINEMA (Politeknik Negeri Malang), but each attempt ended in failure. It was a tough time. Later, I reluctantly tried Mandiri UM (Universitas Negeri Malang), knowing the enrollment fees and tuition would be a substantial financial burden for me. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful once again. It seemed like 2017 was a year of endless setbacks.

During this period, my personal life added to the challenges. My mom had lost contact for several months, and my father showed little concern for my whereabouts. I felt abandoned and struggled to accept my misfortunes. Motivational words seemed hollow to me at that time. I spent nights driving from Situbondo to Bondowoso, crying along the way. It was a period of despair.

A few months later, Bondowoso’s campus expo, in collaboration with Primagama, organized a tryout for SBMPTN. I decided to participate, wanting to test my abilities after months of not studying. To my surprise, I made it to the top 10 and received a scholarship for intensive SBMPTN preparation at Primagama Bondowoso. It was a turning point.

I met people with positive vibes, openness, competitiveness, and mutual support. I was incredibly grateful for this opportunity and thanked Primagama Bondowoso profusely. We prepared rigorously for SBMPTN 2018 in just one month. We were required to choose from Indonesia’s top 10 universities or programs with high grades, such as medicine. My first choice was ITB, followed by ITS and IPB. In 2018, I received the announcement that changed everything, I was accepted into ITS.

Part 4: University and Beyond

Attending ITS (Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember) was a turning point that dramatically reshaped my perspective on life and dreams. At this point, my dad’s sister becoming my parents. She took responsibility to take care of me. She support my stipend, tuition fee and so on. I was helped by one of Biro Keuangan ITS administration, after clarifying my condition, I got to pay the lowest tuition fee whic is 500,000 IDR. I feel relieved that I don’t have to think much about the tuition fee. I actually try to register with Bidikmisi Scholarship, but unfortunately I was not registered as Kartu Indonesia Pintar holder in my village :).

The university environment was a total contrast to my rural upbringing, offering resources, opportunities, and a community of driven individuals that I had never experienced before. This new world opened my eyes to possibilities that once seemed out of reach.

At ITS, I let myself focus on my studies and took advantage of every opportunity to grow academically and personally. The supportive environment and encouragement from my professors fueled my ambition. In 2019, I was invited to come to Biro Keuangan ITS, they offered me Bidikmisi On Going Scholarship. For the first time, I began to believe that anything was possible.

One of the most transformative experiences during my time at ITS was being accepted into a fully funded exchange program at Chulalongkorn University in Thailand 2020. Studying abroad was a dream I never dared to entertain, yet there I was, living it. This experience broadened my horizons, exposing me to different cultures, ideas, and academic practices. It reinforced the belief that with determination and the right opportunities, one could achieve anything.

Back home, I continued to push myself, participating in scientific writing and business competitions. Winning these competitions not only boosted my confidence but also provided financial rewards. A friend at ITS taught me how to earn money through various side jobs, which was crucial in helping me pay off my family’s debts. I took on private tutoring, photography, and design projects, learning to balance these responsibilities with my academic commitments.

The opportunities kept coming. I received a fast-track scholarship that allowed me to accelerate my studies, followed by an Erasmus+ scholarship in Poland 2022, which further enriched my academic and cultural experiences. The culmination of my efforts was graduating with a master’s degree as the best graduate in my cohort. It was a moment of pride and a reflection to how far I had come from my beginnings. Who would’ve thought that a poor kid from unknown suburban area in Bondowoso would go this far.

A few months later, I applied for PhD programs at many prestigious universities abroad, including ETH Zurich, University of Zurich, and University of Vienna. Finally, I received the news I got an LoA (Letter of Acceptance) from all three universities for my PhD studies.

My time at ITS taught me that dreams are not limited by one’s background or circumstances. They are shaped by luck, determination, hard work, and the willingness to seize every opportunity. Higher education was the catalyst that transformed my life, opening doors I never knew existed and allowing me to achieve goals that once seemed impossible.

Looking back, I am amazed at the journey I have taken. From a child who was afraid to dream, I have become someone who believe that we have endless possibilities in life. Education was the key that unlocked this potential, and my experiences at ITS were the foundation upon which I built my dreams.

The support and mentorship I received from ITS and peers were invaluable. They encouraged me to push the boundaries of my potential and provided the best environment where I could thrive academically and personally.

I am especially grateful for the foundation ITS laid for my academic and professional journey. It prepared me not only with knowledge and skills but also with the resilience and determination to overcome challenges and pursue my dreams.

I am forever indebted to ITS for shaping my path and providing me with the tools to navigate the complexities of life and academia. I will pay it forward. In gratitude for all that I have learned and achieved, I now strive to give back to the community. I occasionally hold sharing sessions and offer free online webinars on topics such as building websites without coding skills and scientific writing. Through these sessions, I aim to inspire and equip others with the knowledge and confidence to pursue their dreams.

I want to ensure that the current generation holds their dreams tightly and never lets go, no matter how challenging the journey may be. Education and perseverance can truly transform lives, and I hope to instill this belief in others.

Terima kasih